Story Behind Hope Ray Therapy

A Note from Hope

There is no doubt that sex addiction is a buzzword at the present. On the news, we see the sex scandals of powerful people whose secret lives destroyed their platforms. The media presents high profile stories for us to gawk at portraying the reality that compulsive sexual behavior is a result of too much money – too much fame. This isn’t a correct framework. 

Our culture also gets it wrong in the “stay shaming” of betrayed partners. My experience shows that most men and women seek to rebuild their marriages even after a deviant secret sex life has been exposed. More on Stay Shaming

Should I Stay or Should I go? 

Partners are strong and resilient individuals. Despite the trauma of betrayal, they want to see if change is possible for their situations before up and leaving… and experiencing all the additional pain of a broken up family. Modern culture proposes a quick “fix” in divorce but many partners know that the pain doesn’t simply disappear along with the relationship. The trauma and broken trust they’ve experienced are too serious to just casually heal that way. There are many good reasons partners consider reconciliation:

The person who betrayed her is someone she loves… the man she’s built a home with.
…maybe he’s her business partner or they’ve built a ministry together-
…he might be her childhood sweetheart, the person she’s spent most of the years of her life with- 
…and in many cases he is her kids’ dad. 

Despite his grave betrayals, this is a man with whom she has a history and a routine; they might have a legacy of family together and a dream for retirement. And even though it all feels ruined by the lies, most partners embrace the notion of a healed marriage – if it  is available to them. In other words, she might stay if he is really willing to do whatever it takes.

The Hurt and the Hurdles 

This journey is painful, long, and difficult. Recovery plans, disclosures, polygraphs, separations, therapy, meetings… and in the end, partners wonder, “Will I ever be able to trust him or even like him again?”

For years I provided weekly therapy for couples and individuals smack dab in the middle of the crisis. I noticed a pattern. The weekly sessions barely scratched the surface for the level of crisis these individuals were experiencing. I wondered if some of these therapeutic processes could be streamlined, not to replace therapy, but to boost the healing.

For several years I worked at developing four Intensive programs that would have a healing impact as big as the crisis. 3-Day Intensives for couples that target the critical issues like: 

And 2-Day Intensives for partners who want to heal for real after the betrayal including:

Through my work with Intensive clients I bear witness to recovery in action every week. I see healing for couples, for partners, and for individuals whose sexual behavior has caused great relational and financial devastation. Betrayal does not have to be the period at the end of the sentence. Your healing journey can bring you to a place that transcends the way things were before it all happened.

From My Heart

It is better to heal than to never have had something to heal from  – although the overcoming part can be equally as painful as the betrayal itself. But betrayal causes us to introspect deeply and when we do – what treasures can be found.

Hope Ray is a Licensed Professional Counselor (LPC), Certified Sex Addiction Therapist (CSAT), and a Certified Hope and Freedom Practitioner (CHFP). Working alongside Dr. Ken Adams, Hope helped design Michigan’s first comprehensive treatment program for partners of sex addicts. Her Complex Partner Trauma model is used by therapists across the US. To learn more about Complex Partner Trauma check out Hope’s webinar with Center for Healthy Sex, here: Webinar -The Partner’s Experience